Am i strong enough?

It's almost 3 days I'm back home after so much of depression in campus.I thought of giving up everything and returning back home but something stopped me.2 % of courage stops me and asked me to continue everything even thought life was hard there.Uncomfortable life, misunderstanding between friends and disturbance by ugly past.All came together and attacked me.At a point,i felt too weak and tired to continue this journey but I had so many reasons to continue it.Beautiful angels around me helped me.Mum...without her I'm nothing.Without her help I wouldn't have moved on and start living again.She was not only a mother but more than a good and best friend who understands me better than anyone else.All this while,I thought Patrick will never understand me but when I heard something from Latha , that moment I knew how much he loves me.We do argue a lot till we used to ask for siblings divorce..hahaha..how stupid we was.He will be my sweetheart all the time.I had another guy in my life too,Kannan.My happiness starts from him.I know i miss Sarah a lot.More than words can say..i miss her tooo much.

Looking back at things happened 6 years ago,I knew i had grown up stronger and i can handle things by myself.But i still need someone for me to hold my hand and walk together with me.Am i being selfish? Life is getting harder and tougher day by day..but why? Why me? I know others having problems too but my concern is why do i need to go thru it..what sin or wrong i ever did? I was being the good daughter all this while to my mum,a responsible sister,a loyal friend and i was there for everyone who needed me.I was just there without any expectations.I hide all my sorrows and pains and i smiled a lot where they can only see my happiness.But when i needed someone to talk,to pour all my pains,to cry and scream..i don't find anyone was there for me. Everyone was busy with their own life,I never blamed them because i totally understand.

There was only one man who was with me all the time,God.He knows better than others.Once upon time, I stop praying,i don't read bible,i find excuse to attend church.I stayed very far from Him.I was angry and fed up with everyone including Him.But He never gave up on me.He fixed me back,he showed me happiness,he gave me peace and calmness.He was holding my hand all the time.At times,i know i'm going very far from him but each time i'm leaving him,he will pull me back to him.I love him a lot.Even now, I can only thank him for everything he gave me.I have nothing to ask more.He had lead me for 22 years and he will continue it.Am i strong enough? Yes.I'm strong enough to handle things.Mum always ask me to come out of the past.Certain thing needs time.Time is the best medicine.Guess it's the time now.I should start everything back and forget everything.Totally!

When i was in hospital,i realized how much i missed a man called father in my life.I felt the pain of not having him with me now.I always used to wonder how will my life be if i had a perfect father too.I know he missing us a lot too but certain things he did..i don't think so i can forgive him.The pain will stay in me till the end of my life.But I thank God for giving me such a great and wonderful Mum who was more than a mother and father to me.I believe in this saying that ''Everything happens for a reason'' and ''Life is a glue..as time past,few will stick and few will fly away''. It's so true.

I'm feeling much better after updating my sadness in blog.~Adios..